How to Enjoy Your Own Company & Being Alone
Struggling with how to enjoy your own company?
Have you ever wondered whether it’s possible to be alone but happy? Or how it feels to enjoy being alone – to love it even? There’s a difference between alone vs lonely and it took me too many years to learn that. I want to share my tips for how to enjoy your own company so you can start being okay with being alone, too.
You might wonder, is it normal to not enjoy your own company? As someone who spent the better part of her life in that category, I’d say yes. Some of us might have grown up never having the chance to really get to know ourselves. Low self esteem might’ve further dissuaded us from spending any time alone.
Or maybe you’ve always been social, and as you’ve gotten older you’re naturally facing more time alone that you simply don’t know what to do with. Whatever the cause, yes it is normal to be in this position. The good news, I can say from experience, is it is possible to cultivate joy in your own company.
5 Tips for How to Enjoy Your Own Company
Read on (or listen to the episode, below) for my five top tips for learning to love your own company and alone time:
1. Create your feel-good environment
If you’re spending a lot of time alone in a specific place, is that place set up to your liking? When I lived alone after my divorce, it was the first time I decided to create an environment I actually felt good in.
Before that, I didn’t understand how our outer environments and inner worlds correlate. I would just ‘make do’ with cheap, plastic furniture and bare walls because after all – it was just me living there.
I undervalued my own presence, and deservingness of a beautiful space.
Are you possibly doing the same? A good first step is to take stock of your current environment and look for opportunities to make it a happier place for yourself.
Consider what colors or accent pieces you want around you, what textures and scents? Take the time and energy to care for your surroundings, so that your alone time takes place somewhere you actually enjoy existing.
2. Get to know yourself
When we’re used to being around other people, sometimes we lose touch with ourselves. It becomes easier to default to someone else’s preferences for music choice, what food to eat, how to decorate, what activities to do, etc.
It’s possible you’re getting to know yourself for the first time, or after a long time. Be intentional about this. As you curate your environment be mindful about what aesthetic you’re drawn to, what you like and dislike, your own design choices.
Apply this awareness to even the most basic aspects of your routine – what mug do you like to drink from? What time do you like to eat?
Go window shopping, whether online or in person, just as practice to get to know more about your own likes and dislikes.
Form the habit of checking in with yourself more regularly throughout each day. When we’re with others, we naturally check in with their needs – what do you feel like doing? Are you hungry, what would you like to eat?
Our own needs become secondary or fade completely into the background. Start asking yourself what you need or want throughout the day. Then, act on that.
Another way to get to know yourself is to start paying attention to your triggers and begin listening to your inner thoughts more. It’s possible that, even if you’re alone often, you’re avoiding yourself.
You might be tuning out your thoughts with constant background noise or by keeping really busy. Challenge yourself to sit quietly and to allow your thoughts to arise as they wish.
Observe these thoughts, and process them via journaling for a few minutes a day. Whenever you’re triggered, practice becoming immediately curious to learn more about where your reactions stem from. Engaging in shadow work can be an important piece of getting to know yourself.
3. Focus on the positives of alone time
Congratulations, you’re already taking steps in the right direction if you’re actively seeking for ways to transform your relationship with yourself! Continue on this growth mindset trajectory by brainstorming a list of all the positives you can think of for this season of your life, and of having time alone.
No cons allowed, this is a pros-only list. Make it a long one, and add to it every time you think of something else. Then, take a moment to express your gratitude for all of these benefits.
Mindset plays a huge role in how good we feel and how well we enjoy time alone.
4. Invest in therapy and spirituality
If you are struggling with your mental health, don’t hesitate to seek help. If I was able to sidestep all the misconceptions about therapy I was fed as a South Asian woman, I believe you can do the same.
Invest in working with an objective professional, in addition to everything else on this list, whether in person or remotely. Give yourself the support you deserve.
Additionally, invest some of your time into a spirituality practice. This might include meditation (start with guided ones if you find it difficult) or even listening to spiritually focused podcasts. This will allow you to view life through a different lens, and can really expand your way of thinking about your situation.
5. Balance alone time with healthy connections
It’s so important to put in the time and energy to begin enjoying your own company. At the same time, it’s important to balance this out a bit by maintaining or forming healthy connections with other people.
Now, based on the work you do in getting to know yourself you might want to evaluate your existing relationships as a first step. Once you know which relationships you’d like to nurture, reach out to schedule time to connect every now and then. Find a cadence that works well for all involved, and know that this might be different for everyone.
Realize that it is quality, not quantity of connections that matters. If you don’t have any existing relationships to nurture, that is okay!
I’ve shed many friends over the years, which has created space for other connections to form. The more you establish a great relationship with yourself, the better your relationships with others will be.
When you learn how to show up for yourself, support yourself, meet your own needs and feed your own happiness you’re able to form healthier and happier relationships with others.
Stuck on where to find friends as an adult? There are actually many options! Use what you’ve learned about your own interests to find groups of people who share those same interests.
You could join a community sports league, a book club, a walking group, a fitness studio, a class on a topic you’re curious about or a volunteer group. Go out and do the things you love to set yourself up to meet likeminded people.
Why is learning how to enjoy your own company important?
If you’re reading this, it’s for a reason. You’re already feeling the need to learn how to be okay with being alone. But here are three key reasons this is so important:
You go from being lonely, to being alone
Do you feel lonely a lot? Loneliness is a heavy feeling, and sometimes we all experience it. Likely even the ones you think never do. But when you learn how to enjoy your own company, something pretty amazing happens.
You go from feeling lonely when you’re by yourself, to simply being alone. Even happily.
That heavy, lonely feeling loses its charge. You no longer feel lonely every time you’re on your own because you realize that you aren’t completely alone – you’re with you. This is a transformative experience and it opens you up to more feelings of peace and contentment rather than self pity or dislike.
It enhances your self love
You are worthy of spending time with. Step one? Enjoying spending time with yourself! If we don’t enjoy spending time with ourselves, why should anyone else?
A big part of my own shift from hating alone time to learning to love my own company involved intentionally getting to know myself, just like you would get to know a new friend.
Become curious about your likes and dislikes. Reflect on the wins in your life, and on how you’ve overcome any setbacks. Admire yourself for these, the way you would a friend.
The more you begin to treat yourself like you would a friend or anyone you truly care about, the more you cultivate self love and respect. This is part of the path to learning to enjoy your own company.
You can lead a fuller life
In my own life, learning to enjoy my own company has been a game changer. When you like spending time alone, you no longer have to wait for anyone else to do things with. You can do them with yourself!
Instead of holding yourself back from going to see a show you’re interested in, eating at a great restaurant or even taking a solo trip you can just go. That’s pretty powerful.
The best example I can give you from my own life, is that I used to think I hated solo traveling. I took my first solo trip in 2014, and came face-to-face with the fact that I didn’t want to spend time alone.
In more recent years, after my divorce and self love journey, I now primarily travel alone and even run my own solo travel blog! The biggest difference between the version of myself who hated solo travel and who now loves it – my relationship with myself.
Listen to the episode: How to Enjoy Your Own Company
Want more, or prefer to listen to the key points instead? Tune in to the podcast episode version of this post here:
Whether you’re living alone and single, living with roommates or have a partner alone time is something that can benefit everyone. Learn to carve out time for yourself and how to make the most of it for a better relationship with yourself in this episode.
Wondering how to spend time alone and looking for a starting point? Download 50+ ways to spend your alone time here: selfworthedit.com/alonetime
