Disowned by Parents: Choosing Yourself When Family Walks Away

Being disowned by parents is one of the most difficult experiences a person can go through. If you’ve been through it, you know how painful and isolating it can feel. It forces you to confront your identity, culture and self-worth in ways you may have never expected.

Pakistani-American actress and blogger, Natasha Khawja, has been there. When she told her parents about her African American partner, her mother disowned her immediately. There was no discussion, just a severing of ties.

The pain of being disowned by parents

A young woman in a green coat sits alone on a wooden dock, gazing at the calm water in front of her. The reflection of the cloudy sky on the water adds to the peaceful yet somber atmosphere.

The initial shock of being disowned is overwhelming. It can feel like losing a part of yourself. Family, culture and identity are often deeply intertwined. When that foundation is taken away, it’s hard to know where to turn.

But over time, it is possible to heal. Therapy, self-reflection and acceptance can help you move forward. You can learn how to build a life without family support, a process that is both painful and freeing.

The expectations and control from your upbringing no longer have to dictate your decisions. Instead, you can focus on what you truly want for yourself.

Breaking free from a double life

A close-up of a yellow rose in front of a round mirror, reflecting its own image. The petals appear slightly wilted, and the warm lighting gives the photo a nostalgic feel. Intended to demonstrate living a double life before being disowned by parents

If you’ve ever felt like you were living a double life to keep the peace with family, you’re not alone.

Many people, especially those from strict cultural backgrounds, are taught from a young age to hide parts of themselves to avoid conflict. The pressure to conform can be exhausting.

At some point, the weight of secrecy becomes too much. Choosing honesty about who you are, what you want, and how you want to live can be difficult, but it can also be the first step toward real freedom.

It’s not easy, especially if you’ve spent years prioritizing family expectations over your own happiness. But standing up for yourself is necessary if you want to live authentically.

Choosing yourself

A woman in a white tank top leans forward with her head down, holding a bunch of delicate pink flowers near her shoulder. The soft lighting and muted tones evoke a sense of melancholy or introspection.

One of the biggest lessons that comes from being disowned is realizing that you have to make choices for yourself. If you don’t, you risk losing who you are.

Many of us, especially women, are raised to put others first and sacrifice our own needs. But prioritizing your own mental health and future isn’t selfish. If you want to live as more than simply a shell of your true self, it’s necessary.

Investing in therapy, setting boundaries, and learning to trust yourself can make all the difference.

While losing family can be painful, it can also give you the space to redefine what truly matters to you. Over time, you can build a new support system, one that values and accepts you for who you are.

Moving forward

A close-up shot of bare feet walking on the sand, leaving footprints behind. The ocean waves gently roll in the background, creating a serene and reflective mood.

Being disowned is painful, but it doesn’t mean your story is over. In many ways, it can be the beginning of a new chapter—one where you get to decide what your life looks like.

Natasha’s journey is just one example of how you can find yourself after family rejection. If you’re going through something similar, know that you are not alone. There is a path forward, even if it looks different from what you once imagined.

Listen to the full episode to hear Natasha talk about the emotions she went through, the healing she found, and how being disowned led her to redefine her life and priorities.

Listen to the episode: Coping when disowned by parents

This week’s guest is a Pakistani-American/Canadian actress, dreamer, dog mom, and overall lover of life. Natasha Khawja started her blog to share her own personal experiences in the hope her story can help & resonate with other South Asians.

In our conversation, Natasha shares how to determine what identity means to you, the differences and overlap of identity vs culture and how to navigate both when you are disowned by your family.

Questions we discuss in this episode also include:

Can identity change over time?
Where identity comes from and how identity is shaped
What does it mean to be disowned ?
What happens if you get disowned for interracial dating?